Friday, July 14, 2006


Here’s a topic that’s been discussed, debated and argued over and over again, and yet, we still have no solution, and the problem still persists. Why are our Black Women so angry? Is it because most of our Black Men are not living up to the hype that we’ve created for ourselves? The Black Man is a soldier. The Black Man is strong. The Black Man is a King who should have a Black Queen by his side, but where is the Royal treatment that our so-called Queens deserve? I tell you. That treatment is out the door! What makes our “Queens” think that they deserve some special treatment? What makes them “Queens”? The fact that they’re black, and that in Africa, lots of black women were queens? Not all black women in Africa are queens. Our Americanized black women are definitely not queens by default. I am a Black Queen….according to who!!!? Definitely not me.

As always, I implore you, please don’t tear me a new one! I am NOT talking about ALL black women. There are lots of black women in my life that I absolutely love, respect and hold in high regard. I have a few black women that I consider Queens that I keep in my circle. The black women that I keep near me are strong, educated, motivated, respectful, and demand and command respect just the same. I'm talking about the single black mothers, who raise their sons (if that isn't hard enough) by themselves, pay the rent by themselves, hold down a job that they don't like, and go to school if they have to, just to try to make a better life for their families. These are black women that help keep me motivated with their displays of strength and success in their lives. These are strong, not bitchy black women. So please, don’t take this as Black Woman bashing, because it is not that at all. All this is, is reiterating the issues that we as a culture and community suffer.

Now, back to the topic at hand…Angry Black Women. Why do you think there are so many black men that have moved toward interracial dating? Naturally, your first response would be to say that black men date interracially because they want somebody weak minded that they can boss-around and take advantage of, and that is the furthest from the truth.

I’ve dated interracially before, and there was nothing that I said or did with my Latin or White girlfriends that I didn’t do or say with my Black girlfriends. I and a bunch of my black male friends have chosen to date interracially because of the FACT that most of the different raced women that we’ve experienced do not have attitudes, just for the sake of having an attitude.

Here’s a BIG misconception. A lot of black women that I’ve come across truly believe that Black Men just can’t handle a strong Black Woman, but that couldn’t be more further from the truth. I LOVE having strong Black Women in my life. The problem is that a lot of Black Women believe that bitching, and giving men a hard time, for no damn reason at all, is being strong. That’s not being strong at all. That’s just being a bitch!

I know a married black woman who swears that if she starts doing nice things for her husband (who is black), he’s going to expect it all the time, and take advantage of her. Well, I’ve gotta know….what’s wrong with doing nice things for your significant other, or for people in general for that matter? She’s actually told me once before that her husband, after a hard-days work (she’s an unemployed mother of two) asked her to fix him something to eat, and her response was “fix it your damn self”! I asked her why she would be that way towards the man that she loved, and her response was “if I make him something to eat now, he’s gonna want me to start making him something all the time”. I was totally blown away. I mean, I was speechless (and y’all know I can talk). What the hell is wrong with fixing your hard working husband (not unemployed boyfriend) something to eat for dinner? He IS the bread-winner in the family. I could see if he was hanging out on the corner doing nothing all day long. I wouldn’t have anything to say then, but he’s not. He’s working hard to keep you in new clothes (and y’all know she goes shopping all the time), keep the bills paid, and a roof over your heads, like a MAN is supposed to do. I could see if he was asking you to run his bath water and clean his feet…then you’d have an argument, but asking for something to eat after work….come on. Let’s be real here.

I did something once that had every woman in my family want to, and try to choke me out!!! I was a featured guest on a BET(www.bet.com)show called “Oh Drama”, with Kym Whitley, Vanessa Bell Calloway and Julissa Marquez. The topic of the show was “Why Black Men no longer date Black Women”. Do I even have to go there and tell y’all how my family reacted? I didn’t get to talk much on the show, but the point was made, and audience was heated! I had phone calls from cousins and aunts I didn’t even know I had! The only thing I heard was boy…..I’m gonna kill you!!! I had to explain my position and cool the fire, cause they were definitely going to burn me at the stake. After lots of long talks, I am welcome back into the family!

So, with all that being said, is there anyone out there who can explain to me why our beautiful black women are so angry, and unwilling to change their ways to get our black men back into their lives?
Is there a black woman reading this right now that can tell me where the anger comes from, other than the fact that you’re mad cause your men are dating other women? Is there a black woman reading this right now that can honestly say that she’s guilty of being bitchy towards black men (and other people in general) for no good reason? Is there a black woman out there reading this right now that can tell me that she’s made changes in to get black men back into her life, or better yet, is there a black woman reading this right now that can tell me that she’s given up on black men for a while, and decided to date interracially, and why? Please let me know, cause as always, I’ve gotta know….


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know who started the black queen movement, but it's true. There are a lot of black women that I've met that will be quick to tell you that they are queens, but when you ask them why, or what makes them a queen, they don't know what to say. Just like you said, they'll start referencing the whole queen in Africa thing. Word to the wise, you're not in Africa honey, and you probably never been. What are you doing to be called a queen...being bitchy...I mean strong? That just won't cut it sista. Keep hope alive though.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Hollywood Sef said...

Whether you believe a black woman is a queen or not is irrelevant. I think the issue is why they are angry at black men. For the most part, I feel that our black women have a legitimate beef with black men who don’t pull their weight. I'm a black MAN, a Soldier in the Army since I was 19 (17 years ago). I seem both sides of the coin when it comes to responsible black men and irresponsible ones. In my travel I met more irresponsible brothers (civilians or military). For example, brothers who are content with leaving the mother of their child solely responsible for raising there child without any financial support or physical contact. Brothers who lives as a family with the mother of their child and refuses to contribute anything, like not working or even being a stay at home father who cares for the child while the mother is working. Lastly, the brother who chooses to sell drugs knowing that this lifestyle will lead to him going to jail or ending up dead, which will leave the mother and child without any support. If are women are angry it's because of us. We have to be accountable for the perception of our men and women. As for black men dating outside the race...it's not because of our black women, it's their choice to do so...nothing more than that.

1:34 AM  
Blogger Hollywood Sef said...

I feel that black women have such a hard time with brothers dating outside the race because, black woman have been the black man’s back bone for ages. They have been through every struggle with us. They stood by us when we had nothing and continued to encourage us. They put up with all of our pet-peeves and listen to all of our stories of how the man has his foot on our neck. They were there for us when no one else would have us. Now the perception is that when a brother starts to do well for himself and climb the corporate ladder, he doesn’t feel complete unless he has his trophy (the coveted white woman). He turns his back to the woman who was there to motivate him when he has given up hope and rewards the woman who could or didn’t see him until he reached a certain level on the social scale. To sum this up, I think our women are angry with our black man who chooses to date outside the race because they may feel betrayed, and I can understand that. Especially if the black man who’s dating outside the race is using the "I’m dating outside the race because our black woman are bitchy and angry" excuse. This doesn’t apply to all black men who date outside the race but it applies to a lot.

2:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Black woman who call themselves queens have no idea what the word queen really mean. People hear someone say something and just like the latest slogan or fad everyone is quick to repeat it and claim it not knowing the true meaning. A true queen whether black or any other nationality is someone with integrity, someone who is personified as a female and having supremacy, authority and power not loud mouth Shaquita from down the streets hanging out the car window with rollers in her hair who thinks she's a queen and think that by hollering it from the roof top makes it true. And why is she so angry? Maybe its because all the black men she know don't have a back-bone, are lazy and irresponsible. But for the black good men who have followed in the footsteps of their father and know the real meaning of what it is to be a man, a father and a friend, I say more power to you. what is the problem with dating outside of your race, to each its own. I have never dated outside of my race and probrably never will but that is by choice because thats not what I am attractive to.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Queens????Of what???Ten meals daily???
(Add their b***hy attitudes to their gigantic a**es,and small wonder why this boyishly handsome,57-year-old black Cana-
dian lad prfers a buxom blonde.(Plus,we
life-size Brett dolls and big boob blonde

6:58 AM  
Anonymous Nellez The Creator said...


12:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saying that black women are angry is a stereotype. Just as saying that all black males are absent fathers is. You can't put all black women in the same category because of the poor attitudes of a few. First it was the "white man" trying to keep a brotha down...and now black women. Black men need to do some soul searching and start taking responsibility for themselves instead of deflecting blame.

10:15 AM  

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