*CRABS IN A BARREL

This is what I Gotta Know....
Why are we so compelled to talk about such a controversial topic, and still do nothing about it? In almost every black magazine or newsletter, there are editorials about how we as blacks are the only race of people that do nothing to help each other reach success as a whole. We are Crabs in a Barrel.

How many of you either talk about, or know of other races that do EVERYTHING for one another? You all know who or what I’m talking about. I am mainly talking about Latinos (Mexicans), amongst other races. Everybody knows of a Latino family or two that has moved into your neighborhood or community as a single family, and within a month or so, there are 2-3 more families living within a single family residence. Initially, you wonder ‘how can they do such a thing….crowd multiple families into 2 bedroom apartments’….then immediately say how there’s no way that you could do such a thing. Then, after you express your feelings of disapproval, you start with the jokes, not knowing that these families are actually executing a plan.

Initially, their plan is to get their families into the United States, so they can have an open opportunity to succeed just like the rest of us. Once they are settled in, they start making arrangements for their “boarder” families to get out on their own, and reestablish another executable plan to get the next family into the United States for their open opportunity as well. Now, I don’t want you to read too deeply into what you think I’m trying to focus on. This is not an article about how the United States is overcrowded with illegal immigrants and so forth. This is just an observation of how Latino families, amongst other races, have a much stronger family structure than Black Americans.

I have an Asian friend who was recently telling me about the same type of scenario, after she had read my article on “My Momma’s House”. She was explaining, or better yet, retouching on my perspective on how I thought it was ok for women to sometimes still live with their mothers. She told me that in Asian cultures, if a woman is not married, typically she is not allowed to leave her mother’s home. If she leaves her mother’s home before marriage, she is considered a slut, and is no longer marriage material. She also pointed out to me that that part of their culture also helps maintain the family bond, and structure.

Now, I know that in American cultures we promote independence, and are encouraged to leave our mother’s home as soon as we turn 18-years old, to become “men”. But even as American culture goes, White America sometimes plays by the rules of other cultures. I personally know White men and women that still live with their parents while they are working, because they are either in transition, or possibly saving towards purchasing their own homes, and it is typically accepted. On the flip side of American cultures, how many of us personally know Black men and women that live with their parents, but are not making efforts to better their situation? It’s almost like it is ok for us to be living in the same home, with no goals, constantly complaining about how bad our situation is.

If you were to take a close look at a Black family living together as the aforementioned Latino’s, Asian’s, and White’s do, would you find that we were helping each other save money as a plan to get out on our own….no. What you would find instead would be a “tug-of-war” over who could get out and do better first…but not in that classic friendly family sort of way. We are in so much competition with ourselves that we keep each other down just to feel that we are better than one another. Every time one of us tries to succeed on our own, without carrying the whole lot behind us, we are pulled back down into our cultural barrel of self hate and destruction.

I also find myself looking at other cultures living together in the most uncomfortable situations, wondering ‘how do they do it’. I absolutely must have my personal space, so living with four families in a two family home is unimaginable to me, but there’s a much bigger picture than what we see on the surface. I also find myself looking at those same families when they’re pulling into the drive-ways with the nicest and newest luxury vehicles, while I’m still driving my bucket, wondering ‘how do they do it’. In my mind I’m thinking, “I know he works at Walmart, so how the hell can he afford an Escalade on 26” rims on a minimum wage salary”? I’ll tell you. That same family, that’s living with those other families, is dividing the rent amongst every member of that household. So, if you take the average California middle-class two bedroom apartment rent of $1,000 a month, and divide it by 6-adults, they are only paying $167 each per month. If there are working teenagers in the home, then the rent is even cheaper. Talk about networking! That leaves them with the rest of their paychecks to save for their house and new car. Wouldn’t you love to only pay $50 a month for rent? That would be fantastic. Just think of the money you’d save. Now, think of the drama you’d face with a house full of Black families. We are so “anti-each other” that we end up in competition with each other.

We all know that Black people can’t save money to save our lives, so we’re not going to talk about that. Instead, I’d rather talk about what we can REALLY do to get our Black culture to establish a better foundation for ourselves, and stop pulling each other back into our bucket of self destruction, and Black on Black competition. The floor is open for everyone, of any culture. Please leave your comments and opinions, and correct and educate me if I am wrong. And with that being said….as always…WHO HAS AN ANSWER FOR THE QUESTION MAN?